My mother was a full-blow,n malignant narcissist. My family drama had all the cast players: the Narcissistic mother, the Enabling father, the golden child son, and me, the scapegoat.
From the time I was young, I knew there was something wrong with her. But, since I was the one blamed for anything and everything, I never had the time to piece it together. I was always too busy trying to survive.
She was never wrong. I was. She was brilliant ( a legend in her own mind) and I was stupid. If she made a mistake, I was to blame. When I was a child and made a mistake, it was held up to me for years and years. If she hurt me, she laughed. If someone else hurt me, they were defended for doing so. When I was sick, I was ignored. Any small accomplishment made by the golden child was held up as if he won the Nobel Peace prize. Any large accomplishment I made was jeered at, a la, "You think you're really something, don't you?"
She made my sibling her partner in abuse. She initiated his punching, kicking, breaking bones, spitting on me and sexual abuse. Her response: "You deserved it". He was protected and I was slandered -- just in case I decided to get help. No one believed me.
I wasn't allowed to have any friends -- only the golden child was. They were also taught to abuse me. So, I spent too many endless years quite literally alone and friendless. To this day, I don't know how to make friends, but I'm a perfect victim for any predator that comes along. I love. But I have never received love back -- only the illusion that is carefully crafted and presented to me.
Being the child of a malignant narcissistic mother is to experience the worst form of child abuse. They suck out your spirit and soul at a very young age -- before you ever know you had one. You question your own reality. It's what I've had to deal with for my entire life. I constantly question who I am since I was told my entire life I was "nothing and nobody".
Looking back now, I could swear I was dealing with Satan himself. She knew what she was doing because she presented an entirely different face to the outside. But it was pure deception, and one everyone bought into. She never failed to go to church each and every Sunday. It was one hour of gaining attention for herself and honing her skills of deception -- nothing more. There was no room for God in her house. She was was to be worshiped. Only her rules applied.
Malignant Narcissists know what they are doing to everyone who comes in contact with them. Nothing about them is real until they feel they have you under control, you are alone and they let their guard down. Then you know what you are dealing with: pure evil.