My parents have been married 61 years. My mother says the most outlandish things: "I wouldn't miss Daddy if he died", or "Well, I would!" (to my father's comment during a conversation that he “wouldn't change a thing” about their life). Most recently, at my father's 80th birthday party, my mother (who did not invite me at all to this event!) was telling everyone there that she was going to get married again “when Daddy dies.” She thinks this stuff is hilarious.
She has never had a job (except as a secretary when she was 18 for a few months). My dad owned his own company and retired quite successfully at 50, so she has never been anything but pampered. She has no social filter and although she can be funny, her humor is usually at someone's expense and full of sarcasm.
She has a very overinflated sense of her abilities. I have been in fairly successful sales positions and have made good money during my career. My mother, who has never once asked me what I do (in fact, she commented once that she didn't like my neighbor, who was nice enough to invite them over for drinks while they were visiting us on vacation, that "you probably get along with her since you are both nurses”). I am not a nurse but my two sisters are.
I am the oldest and she has always seemed to resent and compete with me. She flies into drama and hysterics if I cross or challenge her and has to constantly interrupt if she is not the center of the conversation or attention. She not long ago stated in a huff that my father kept her “barefoot and pregnant, but she could have been a CEO if she wanted to". Coming from someone who never even had a job, her impression of her capabilities is very high! I said that neither my husband (who is very successful in his corporate job and has been in an upper management positions) nor I ever thought that we could be CEO's. Wow.
She has told me she never “bonded with me when I was a baby.” Also that I was a “very cold (not affectionate) baby,” so as to explain our bad relationship. So it must have been my fault, even as an infant!
My father gets some payoff from this stuff. He gets to look like a saint. They have been married since they were 17 and 20, and love to gloat about their obvious perfect decision making, citing that they have been married this long, my dad was so wealthy and successful, etc. When he brings up my mother, he seems to go in to a fog about his vision of her when she was 16 in some brown dress that he liked. I believe he is in total denial. He can hear her say one thing, walk out of the room and recreate history to his version.
I am the whipping post and my four siblings don't seem to mind. It is quite a dysfunctional mess, and with the money, they are all pandering to this awful, out of control behavior of hers. If anyone corrects her, she flies into a rage and will stop at nothing to elicit sympathy as well as trash the person who called bull crap on what she has done (usually me).
They used to come to our house for a vacation every year for a month or so, paid for very little (she thinks she is the queen bee and since I am her daughter, assumes I will just wait on her hand and foot). After the most recent antics she pulled - not really important to get in to details but I set a boundary and she became incensed - she has been sending me monthly crazy grams with Bible verses and the terrible things that she has to say to me. She has said she has told her whole church what a terrible daughter I am and to "keep the letters coming since I love to show them to all my church friends" (I haven't written her anything in 20 months. I have totally given up trying to explain anything or fix anything with her any more).
My dad just wants it “fixed,” and has all my life never cared how she unleashed the demons on me. When I appealed to him about what she's done, he just said, “I don't believe that.” I asked him if he was saying I was lying and he said, "I just don't believe a mother would say that to her daughter.” He completely knows what she's like but says he is standing by his wife.
The last thing she wrote to me was so bad that my husband finally called both of them and told them to lose our number. I think I am just done. I don't feel any love for her at all. I don't wish her ill. I just don't care anymore. If she were to die, I would feel relief.
My parents and the rest of my siblings, who, by the way, all live within a few streets of each other, are a classic case of complete codependency and dysfunction. I really want nothing to do with the whole mess.