What Is the Connection Between Narcissism and Sex?

A narcissist might use sex as a way of gaining admiration for himself.
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  • Written By: Marjorie McAtee
  • Edited By: W. Everett
  • Last Modified Date: 06 October 2014
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Narcissism and sex are believed to be interlinked, in that people who suffer from narcissism often view sex as a stand-in for real emotional intimacy in a relationship. Some narcissists view sex as a means of gaining power or control over a sexual partner, or as a means of gaining validation and admiration for themselves, thus the perceived link between narcissism and sex addiction. Narcissists are often very preoccupied with appearances, including maintaining the appearance of a healthy relationship, so they may view sexual intercourse as a task that is necessary for the maintenance of a relationship, rather than an act of love and intimacy. Experts believe that many narcissists don't enjoy sex as much as people without this personality disorder, though some narcissists may view sex as an activity designed solely for their own pleasure and enjoyment, without thought for the needs and desires of their partners. Narcissism and sex, especially in terms of the sexual health of a relationship, often don't mesh well, as the narcissist may use sex as simply another manipulative tool for forcing his partner to meet his needs, at the neglect of his partner's needs.

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Some experts believe that narcissism and sex addiction go hand in hand, since the narcissist may crave the sense of power over others that he earns through frequent sexual conquests. Most psychologists believe narcissists are incapable of true love and emotional intimacy. For the narcissist, sex may seem more like a solitary activity. Narcissism and sex in a relationship can lead to an increased sense of isolation and neglect for the non-narcissist partner, since the narcissist partner may feel more divorced from the relationship with each sex act. If both partners suffer from narcissism, sex can become an attempt to fuse together into one entity with identical needs and desires, since the narcissist is unable to recognize the reality of separate, individual sets of needs and desires unique to both people in the relationship.

The causes of narcissism are believed to be rooted in early childhood. Most experts think that people develop narcissism when they do not establish appropriately close, loving, healthy, and respectful bonds with their parents or other caregivers in early childhood. The failure to bond with caregivers early in life can cause narcissists to falter in personal development, such that they fail to evolve genuine feelings of self-esteem. As a result, they often seek relationships with others who may be perceived as desirable by the society at large, as a means of proving themselves. They generally expect these people to soothe their inner pain and turmoil by showering them with flawless and constant affection, and by meeting all of their needs at the exclusion of their own.

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anon947200
Post 3

With a narcissistic man, you will be used as a sex toy/slave. The sex is not romantic. It's mechanical, fake, degrading, and selfish. He will only give you an orgasm if he feels like it, or if he needs you to do something so he can manipulate you. You will mostly spend weeks without sex and having sex withheld. It's horrible! Stay far away! I'm still healing after four years with one of these walking dead!

anon326875
Post 2

My soon-to-be-ex-wife exhibits all of these symptoms, especially when it came to sex. It was good in the beginning but after a couple of years it became all about her. I didn't matter except for providing a means to the end. I often thought to myself "I'm nothing but a human dildo." Now after five years of marriage and several affairs for her, I can't take it anymore. I filed for divorce. Best decision ever! Wish I had read these articles earlier, much earlier.

anon306256
Post 1

Being in relationship with a narcissist is extremely engaging and exciting to begin with. They can be incredibly confident and charismatic. However, this facade hastily ends when you realise that they are draining the very life out of you. They are never, ever, ever pleased. You will never please them as they are a cup that can never be filled. I think that people who have been abused themselves are usually attracted to narcissistic types.

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